an apology.

First off- I am sorry it has been so long since I posted.  I have sat down and tried to post many times but then have been sidetracked or simply didn't know what to say.  This deployment has been out of the ordinary for me.  Usually I am fine and muddle through but this time it seems to have hit me harder than before.  I don't know if me getting older has put a spin on it or what. But things have been hectic, emotional and just plain out of my control a lot lately.

I am the one that everyone says- you are so strong I just don't know how you do it all alone so much.  Well honestly, being a military wife I have no choice and usually I just "soldier on " as they say.  But this time it has been hell.  It has been hard- physically, mentally and emotionally.  I have just started crying all the time now- for any little thing.  I am tired doing it all this time.  

It has a lot to do with here- where we live.  We have never felt the "southern hospitality" that we have heard so much about here in this town.  We have always been held at arms length.  They don't take kindly to outsiders or as they call us:  non-natives.  They also do not really accept military here.  It has been hard as we really don't have any friends that we hang out with.  Lots of neighbors and acquaintances but no really - buddy type friends. 
When Kirk is here it isn't as bad as I have him to talk to and hang out with.  Or I have my sister down the street.  But with him being gone and my sisters looming move back to Cameron on the agenda - it has been very lonely.  I feel very alone and I think that sends me into tears.  I have let myself get into a funk.  And I don't like it.  

I am not saying that I will just click it off and be happy go lucky- the strong girl.  But I will try harder and jump back into my blogging community- the place that has always helped me muddle through.  I thank all of you for your friendship- it has really meant more than you will ever know. 

So, I have some posts to work on, some photos to edit, some projects to finish and jeesh a giveaway as I missed my anniversary the beginning of this month.  Time to get back on that bike and ride into the fun zone. :)

Thanks for always being there.
tammy

14 comments:

  1. Here's the deal: you are SO right about "southern hospitality." I am still known as "that Yankee teacher" and it took me SEVEN YEARS to make my first friend. I will say that it's a little better, and I met some cool people through community theatre, but I didn't do that until my youngest was in 7th grade.
    I now kinda like being the solitary neighborhood cat lady, but I don't know that I could do it without DL. You are strong...military wives have to be, or they don't stay military wives. You can e-mail me any time, and we'll commiserate.

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  2. my heart breaks for you tammy.
    I can't even imagine not having my hubby around to hang with.
    It must be hard to try to adjust with a town that is not accepting of you.
    And especially if it is a small town.
    I know its not as great as having a friend there for you, but you know you have lots of bloggers that will listen and talk.
    The funk you speak of is the hardest to shake and it really takes having someone to care and talk to that makes it go away. Reach out, it is the best thing you can do!!!
    My best to you and the kids
    Amy

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  3. I AM NOT AN ARMY WIFE, I JUST MADE FRIENDS WITH ONE. I'M NOT A REAL NEIGHBORLY PERSON BUT FOR WHATEVER REASON I MADE FRIENDS WITH HEATHER, WE DANCED AROUND EACH OTHER FOR AWHILE, BUT THEN ALL BETS WERE OFF, SHE WAS MY "SMOKING BUDDY", SHE CAME FOR DINNERS, HOLIDAYS AND I EVEN LIKED HER CHILDREN AND HER MUCH DEPLOYED HUSBAND. THEY BECAME MY FAMILY. WHEN HER HUSBAND RETURNED FROM IRAQ, THEY FOUND THAT EVEN THOUGH THE MILITARY HAD SAID THEY WOULD RETIRE HERE, THEY WOULD BE SENT TO FT. RUCKER. THIS WAS NOV. 2010, I CAN JUST FINALLY GET THRU A WHOLE CONVERSATION WITHOUT TEARING UP, SO I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL, BUT I REALLY MISS MY FRIEND, THE ARMY WIFE!!!

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  4. I know I don't know you but I had to leave a comment. I have been where you are now and know how difficult it can be to be alone in a unfriendly place. Hang in there! Tomorrow will be a better day- I promise!

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  5. Hey Tammy - we've never met, but I follow your FB page and have been a reader of your blog for awhile now. I'm sorry to hear things have been tough this time around. I have a nephew in the military and I know how difficult deployments can be on the families left behind. I was born and raised in the South - am only one State down from you - and am really sorry that the Southern Hospitality we are known for hasn't been very hospitable to you..... If any of those women read your blog, they would be knocking each other over to get to your house to be your friend!

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  6. I can't even imagine! I guess that has alot to do with why you stay so busy. I always think of how strong you are and how you just keep on keeping on even thou your hubby is away. We're here, just talk to us! Meanwhile I'll pray God delivers a friend right to your door!

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  7. Sending you prayers and love Tammy. I agree with Ellen, I would love to be your neighbor and friend.

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  8. I am really sorry you are in a funk. I kept wondering while reading your post if people knew you were in need of a friend if they would be there for you. I prefer more often than not to be alone rather than friends. I don't like shopping, working out, etc with others. I want to do my thing and go. However, if I knew someone needed me I would be there for them. Are there other military wives in your same situation? Do people know you are looking for friends? Keep in touch and if you don't feel like blogging then just don't. We understand. Thinking of you.

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  9. I am living that life now I totally understand I'm happy here but boy do I wish for a flea market thrift shopping driving to homegoods kinda friend it has got to get better im trustin that "he" has the perfect friend for us but only in his timing.

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  10. HEY YOU IN THE FUNK.......
    LETS GO BUY JUNK!
    Seriously!
    Hugs,
    Beth

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  11. Wish I lived closer Tammy (I am only an email if you need me)!
    Sending you a hug and thank you and your husband for all you both do!

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  12. Hugs Tammy and I will always be here for you to vent or laugh or cry to! Take care of yourself my friend.

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  13. Boy do I get it Tammy! My friends here in that same small narrow-minded town are all from other places...and the people who tell me they are "Sanford born & bred" are mostly telling me "you're not, so don't bother". Sad, limiting, and hard to fathom for those of us who are used to moving around, living among other military families, and creating instant communities. Call me!
    -Laura

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  14. Tammy,

    You do not need to apologize, you have done nothing wrong. I hope you can find someone to talk to and can be open about feeling low, we all go though down times!

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