{ taking a break }

I haven't been very good at being on top of blog posts lately. 
 There are tons of reasons I guess, but mostly I just can't think of anything to share. 
 I haven't been very motivated to create since my space was shut down the end of January.  I have shows coming up so it isn't that I don't need to - I just haven't felt the creative juices flow.  
It is more of a pushing to "make" it happen.  
And when it feels like that - well then it isn't my best work. 

I have had a few personal things pop up too.  
Neighborhood drama, learning that some who I thought were friends really weren't and well the diabetes is just making me so tired lately.  
I will admit winter is my worst month for my attitude.  I get depressed during winter.  The short days- the lack of sunshine- the almost always wet or cold weather.  
Just not my thing.  
But this time we have an added stress: Afghanistan. 

See that man in the above picture?  That is the job my husband will be doing.
 My husband, my children's father gets to go back to Afghanistan - AGAIN.  
Yes, he leaves mid March and with all the news that has been happening over there- the many being killed and the constant violence it just seems a bit much this time.  
I have been having my hubby do tons of projects before he goes to get ready for my shows, or get the house in a shape I can manage while he is gone.  
 I think now we just need to shut down project world and just be family world.  

This is not our first deployment mind you- we have had tons - and even though it seems to get easier to handle the day to day it doesn't get easier for the kids.  I think with each one it gets more difficult.  They aren't little kids who no nothing about world events.  They hear the news, they talk about it at school so the fear and anxiety raises its level each time he leaves.  I think this one is going to be a hard one. 

The kids are more aware of what is happening.  They are also aware of him missing big events now.  He will miss my sons 9th birthday.  He will miss my eldest son's big 21'st birthday- he so looked forward to finally being able to drink a beer with his dad. He will miss my daughter's dance recital that she has been working on all year long.  He will miss my middle son's first prom.  He will miss the annual family vacation to the beach. He will miss a lot.  It is a big thing for them and they will be disappointed. 

It is so hard for me.  As I have to keep a strong outlook.  Carry it all.  I somehow have to have all the answers and all the know how.  And it is hard to enjoy all those moments while at the same time being sad he can't.
 I am a military brat.  
I have lived this life my entire life.  
And I always said my least favorite question was being asked- "Where are you from?". 
As we military gypsies don't really have a set place to call home - it was wherever the military told us it was for that assignment. 
But I have to say that my least favorite question  - or rather statement now is- 
" I just don't know how you do it all alone.  You are so strong.".
I will answer that for most military wives. We have no choice.  We have to do it.  
We seem strong on the outside but that is because we internalize it so much for our children.  
We are not strong - we save it for night time and cry in the pillow.   
We are not strong- we just fool you really well.  
 We all wish we could depend on someone to be there every time we need them but unfortunately we can't.
But I will say we do the BEST we can.  And damn, we do that pretty well.  

So, while we get ready for my hubby to leave- I will read blogs as they are a stress reliever for me, I'll even comment on a few that really uplift me at that time. 
 But I will hold off on posting till April. 
 I am going to take some time off - to let some stress go.  
To decompress before it all gets very hard again.  
Basically, I am going to try to store up some of this time I can breathe and save it for when a really bad day hits and I need it. 

Not looking forward to this day- 

The day we drive him to the base to say goodbye for another 6 months.  

So, till April - I'll be checking in but taking a break to re-juice myself. 


  1. My prayers go out to your family. Take care, Sally

  2. Oh, so sorry that you have to go thru this again....
    I will pray for you for the next month, as you prepare to say goodbye again..
    And Thank your hubby from me.. for his service. I appreciate him more than I can say.....

  3. Good Evening Tammy Sweetie...
    I am so sorry that you are going to be going through another separation for the family soon. You will all be in my prayers dear one. I know this must be so hard for you.

    I have to tell you I adored your chalkboards in the previous post, and #2 is my favorite. Girl you did an awesome job. They are so pretty, and useful about the house. Thank you for sharing.

    Many hugs and much love, Sherry

  4. Tammy. Please give your husband a hug from me and thank him for his service to our country. He can never hear it enough. Please know that I appreciate how much you and your kids sacrifice when he is deployed. Thank you for sharing your husband so that he can protect the freedoms we all treasure. I promise to pray for you, for him and for the kids. I will pray that God will keep him safe and that time will pass quickly for all of you while you are apart. Take the time you need and enjoy each moment with him before he leaves. Hugs

  5. Oh Tammy!!! I am so crying for you.
    Not only do I relate to the winter depression and but knowing what you are going thru in the creating blahs area as well.
    I can't even begin to imagine what you must go thru with your husband working for our freedom. It makes me want to scream that he is going back again!
    I struggle if my hubby has to be away overnight, gosh, I will never take him being her for granted ever again.
    My heart and thoughts are with ya and you know where to find me when you have a bad day :)
    big hugs being sent to your whole family and Thank your husband for all of us here that are living in freedom because of his bravery.


  7. Tammy! Thank you for this heart warming post. Thank you to your husband, and family's strength to serve our country- all will be in my prayers.

    P.S. Wow- look at all the orbs in the last picture. Nice.

  8. Hey Tammy! I hear you. Illness and Seasonal Adjustment Disorder are my middle names..Ok it's Claire but you get the idea. On top of that, I KNOW what the stress you are talking about it like. NO-ONE ever 'gets it' unless they go through it. It's OK to just feel like poop and not want to bother, makes you human. We can't all be sunshine and lollipops all the time, and the ones I see on their blogs being so, worry me that they ain't in reality land!
    Let it all out when hubbby goes, it's healthy to cry and feel crap.My partner leaves every 6 months for 6 months to live in USA for past 11 years (not an army guy though) and I HOWL each time he leaves...and I am NOT a sooky girl! He nearly got shot down by US army on the day of 9/11, flying into US that moment the WTC went up!He was on a United plane. I treasure each and every moment with him as you NEVER know when something will take our honeys away from us.
    Hang in there, Gorgeous!
    From one who suffers too,
    Maria in Australia

  9. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you but I do want you to know that I so appreciate what your husband, you and your children sacrifice to keep us safe in this country. Words cannot express it well. I will pray for you all--for his safety and protection, for you to have peace, strength and comfort and for your children....that they will grow understanding that what their dad is doing is a wonderful, unselfish thing. Enjoy this time together, Tammy.

  10. Aw dang sweetie. I guess if this what you have to do then so be it. Take this time to be with your family and try to keep your chin up. I'm here for you waaayyy up here but I send virtual hugs and my thoughts are with you. Take care - your friend, Heather

  11. Tammy,
    I am so sorry to hear of all that you are going thru. I wish I could come scoop you up an we could hit the junking trail together.
    I know that it's hard to be creative when you feel so bogged down with stress. I just want you to know how excited I am to have you join our Sunday at the Marketplace family in April. We have so much fun and the customers are so geared up. You have so many gifts to share and I just can't wait to see you!
    Prayers go out to you and your husband and kids.
    Thinking of you,

  12. I have been lurking on your blog for a while now, but I felt compelled to post a comment today. I thank your husband, you, and your kids for your service. I am a military wife as well, and I know how hard these times are on all of you. I will keep you all in my prayers.

  13. God Bless your husband for all that he does to keep our country free.
    Thank you & your family for all the sacrifices you make. He will come home.

  14. Tammy, mere words cannot express the gratitude felt for your sacrifices.
    So I pray for God's covering on your husband while he is far from you and that HE will provide for each and every need that you and your children may have during that time. Lastly, I pray that "His peace which surpasses all understanding will guard your heart and mind" Philippians 4:7 and will restore your joy by reminding you that HE is in full control.

    A very thankful hug to you,

  15. Tammy,
    I am a recent subscriber, and do not know you well, but one thing I do know: You are strong! I know you said you "just do it" but there are so many people who cannot just do what you are doing, and doing well. The picture you posted shows how close your family is to one another, and that shows the strength of the family, and the man and woman who make this work time after time, in support of their country. Both you, and your husband, are heroes. So, the next time someone says how strong you are, and questions how you do it, I hope you think to yourself (or even say out loud) "I don't know either, but I'm glad I do it all,too! My family counts on me, and I'm there, no matter what!"

  16. Hi Tammy,
    I admire you for your realness and transparency to share what is on your heart. I really feel for you and can only imagine what you are going through. Our cousin is serving in Afghanistan right now and should be coming home next month after a year away. I know how hard it is on his wife and I know it's hard on all military families. The sacrifice that all of you make to keep us all safe is not overlooked here. I thank all of you so much. I am sorry that you have to go through this and even though you say you're not strong- you really are more than you know because you don't pretend that it doesn't affect you. Truly strong people admit when they are having a tough go of it and they express how they feel. It's not easy. I will keep all of you in prayer. We'll miss your posts but taking a break is a good thing. I also know first thing about finding out about friends not really being friends. It used to hurt me but now I thank God for the revelation. He did me a favor by bringing it to light is how I look at it. God always brings a good from bad, He's making room for better. And the sunshine will be upon us soon. I can't wait myself for it. To hear the birds singing and the flowers start to bloom. All those things liven me up as well. Take care and see you when you get back! Blessings to you and your family!

  17. Big thanks to your husband Tammy (as well as to you and your family) for all that you do. Enjoy your break, enjoy the time with your family and just know I'll be here waiting and am only an email away if you need to talk. Take care!

  18. God bless your husband, you, and your family. Sending even more prayers that all goes well with you while he's gone, and that he returns home safely. We readers will be here when you're ready to return to your blog, until then, enjoy your family!

    Patty (another Army wife, fortunately of a retired soldier)

  19. May God bless your family, keep your husband safe, keep you strong...my heart aches for you.

  20. Tammy,
    I recently just found your blog & have been reading away at your posts all morning :) You are such an inspiration! I am in the process of doing research to open my own antique booth, but like you said "location is key!" so I am doing my best to try and find the best antique mall for my little adventure ;) This post touched me because I too am a Military Wife & my Husband (who is Infantry) also soon will be deploying to Afghanistan... I gave birth to our first baby girl on January 5th, so being that my Husband will be missing out on SO MUCH of her first year just breaks me. But we can get through it, because that is what us Military Wives do!! May God keep your Husband safe & give you and your children the strength to pull through, until the day you are back in his arms again!

  21. Sorry to hear that the family is going thru this again. Take time to count your many blessings, and we will pray for a safe return.

  22. Tammy, I wish I had some magical words of comfort but of course I don't. I know from my sister-in-law how very hard it can be. Of course I only know second hand and how could I ever really understand? It is such a tremendous sacrifice made by your entire family. I hope for peace for all of you for the next 6 months.

  23. Hi Tammy, little late reading this - been busy myself getting stuff going for Jody. Wow - we will be praying for you and your family. Our friend at church just got back in January (4th time over). We were glad to see him back safe to his wife and four boys. May God protect him and his men while he is overseas.

  24. You don't know me, but I have read your beautiful blog from time to time.. I am from NZ... I just want to say how beautifully you expressed what you did here, and I felt immense empathy for your whole situation. My heart goes out to you all, and all others in similar situations. It brings home what the cold hard world can do and be. Thank you for being so honest. I hope your time out was close.